Something Worth Fighting For
by Inksaber
Summary: After a hard mission, Anakin finds out that even his cheerful Padawan can be shaken up by the horrors of war. A oneshot.


***sighs* Season 4 is over. I guess now I'll have to amuse myself by writing fanfics all summer long... **

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><p>He wasn't quite sure <em>when <em>Ahsoka became scarred by war. Perhaps it was when she first helped the medics tend to the wounded. Maybe it was when she saw a whole squadron of her own men die. It could have been when she killed her first living being.

Or maybe it was all of these, and he never even noticed.

It had been a particularly brutal mission, one that Anakin knew would have given him nightmares, had he not seen far worse. Ahsoka had been quiet, her shoulders tense all throughout their report to the Council. Then she had left as soon as she could, mumbling an "I'm fine," in answer to Anakin's queries.

After tough missions like these, all Anakin wanted to do was be alone for a while, so he let her go. She would most likely be a little better after some sleep.

Anakin sighed. He lay on his bed, attempting to get some rest, but the Force was seemingly in turmoil around him. The bond between him and his Padawan vibrating negative emotions. Was Ahsoka in trouble?

He got to his feet and headed out into the corridor. Stopping outside the door to Ahsoka's quarters, he listened for any noise that would signal trouble, but there was nothing. Just the feeling that something was wrong.

Anakin knocked lightly, then entered. He was prepared for almost anything- except the sight he saw before him.

Ahsoka was sitting on her bed with her knees drawn up to her chest. Her arms were folded across her knees and her head was bowed. Her shoulders were trembling and short gasps were shaking her slight frame. It took Anakin a second to realize that Ahsoka was crying.

His Padawan _never _cried. Never, in the year he had known her, had she ever cried. She had suffered painful injuries, lost friends and seen terrible things, yet she had never shed a tear. Something was very wrong.

"Ahsoka!" he hurried to her side, feeling alarmed. What happened? What's wrong?"

She stiffened as he approached, pulling back. "N-nothing, M-Master."

Anakin wasn't quite sure how to deal with this. He vaguely remembered his mother comforting him as a child over scrapes and bruises from Watto's beatings, but he had never consoled a child, let alone a girl like Ahsoka before.

He sat on the bed in front of her. "Hey," he said quietly, placing a cautious hand on her shoulder. "It's okay to cry, you know. But I want to know what made you cry in the first place."

Ahsoka swiped at her eyes. "I'm n-not crying."

Anakin nodded. "And I'm the king of Hoth."

Ahsoka made a noise between a laugh and a sniff. "It's really n-nothing, Master. Today... it just got to m-me a little. It hasn't happened in a long time..." she trailed off, looking embarrassed.

Anakin stared at her. "This... has happened before?"

"Please, just... forget I said anything," Ahsoka said, returning her head to her arms, her lekku stripes darkening in embarrassment. "You can go back to your room. Really. I'm fine."

Anakin sat motionless across from his apprentice, thinking back to his own time as a Padawan, when he had worked so hard at keeping what he was feeling from his Master. Would Ahsoka turn out to be like him anyway, after all he had done to keep her from the path he walked?

He still kept what he was feeling from everyone. Including Ahsoka. How was she supposed to confide in him when he never told _her_ anything? The last thing he wanted was for their relationship to turn into a copy of that which he had with Obi-Wan.

He had sworn to himself when he had taken Ahsoka on as his apprentice that she would not end up like him. But it seemed now that he was failing her.

"You can tell me anything, Snips," he said. "I won't think any less of you. Believe me. It does help to talk about things sometimes."

Ahsoka sighed. For a long moment, Anakin wasn't sure if she was going to talk. Then...

"I'm s-sorry, Master. It's just... no one else ever seems to notice how many men we lose every single battle. They're able to forget about the injured. It's just business- it's acknowledged, then forgotten." She laughed bitterly, her voice filled with a mix of sarcasm and tears. "After all, in the grand scheme of things, who cares if we loose ten thousand men if it's going to bring peace to the galaxy?"

"Ahsoka..." Anakin looked her in the eyes. "Believe me, you're not the only one bothered by this." He shifted on the bed so he was sitting next to her, thinking back to a mission several years back that he would never forget.

"Before you were my Padawan, I knew a Jedi named Leia Areen. We were... acquaintances growing up, and we became close friends during the battle of Vestor III. You remind me a lot of her- you have similar personalities, and she wasn't afraid to challenge me, even though she was younger than me. She was also great with a lightsaber. This was one of the first battles of the war and I was new to all the mass slaughter of the separatists. Our mission was to take out a ray shield surrounding a separatist base. Leia was sent ahead of us to scout for enemy activity. But it was a trap- hundreds of battle droids were waiting for us. They had captured the civilians of a nearby village and would kill them if we didn't surrender."

"It seems like their strategies haven't changed since the beginning of the war," Ahsoka said under her breath. Anakin shook his head and continued.

"Leia volunteered to turn herself in if the separatists would free the villagers. I tried to convince her not to do it, but she wouldn't listen to me. She knew what would happen to her if she turned herself over to the droids... but she did it anyway." Anakin sighed, pushing away the memories. "The villagers were freed, but Leia was tortured to death. The separatists got nothing out of her."

Ahsoka looked at him, wide-eyed. Anakin hoped he wouldn't give her more nightmares by telling her this and hurried on. "After her death, I didn't sleep well for weeks. I kept myself awake, imagining what they had done to her, and wondering why she had done what she did. What was the point of fighting a war if those you cared about were going to die anyway?"

By the way Ahsoka was looking at him, Anakin knew he had figured out what was really bothering her. He went on.

"Obi-Wan finally noticed that something was wrong and dragged it out of me. When I told him what I thought, he said, 'but is it better to just let the enemy kill us? Leia gave up her life to help us win the war. Do you think she would want you just to give up because she died?" Anakin smiled ruefully. "Of course, he said a lot more, mainly about the Jedi code and not forming attachments, but he really made me think. I'm going to keep fighting, as long as there's something to fight for."

"I know Master. So am I." Ahsoka uncurled somewhat from her living-ball position. "It's _hard _ sometimes. We lost Jest and Ty today. I've known them practically since the beginning. And they were shot down by stupid _tinnies._"

"That's why we fight, Ahsoka," Anakin said quietly. "So that we can stop people from dying like that."

"Fighting doesn't bring back the dead."

"No." Anakin shook his head. "It doesn't. But these men give up their lives so we can have a chance at winning the war. We can honour their memory by continuing to fight."

Anakin felt the last bit of anxiety leave Ahsoka as she sighed. They were both silent for a while, the only noise in the room coming from a whine of the engines. Finally...

"You're right, Master," she said. "I guess dying like Leia would be better then dying because I gave up."

_That was _not _my point._

"I'd really prefer it if you didn't die at all," Anakin said, his tone light, yet serious. "You're way too reckless out there, you know that?"

Ahsoka shot him a slightly impish grin. "Everything I know, I learned from you, Master."

Anakin elbowed her in the side in retaliation. "I'm almost certain I did not teach you to pull walls down on your poor, unsuspecting Master." This banter- it felt comfortable. Normal. Or... as normal as it was ever going to get, as long as they were living in a warzone.

Ahsoka folded her arms. "Are you_ ever _going to let that go? I _did _save your life." All traces of her earlier grief had left her face, save for a few tear tracks.

Anakin frowned inwardly. Ahsoka had said, more or less, that this had happened before. He had never suspected anything, she had never showed any signs of being distressed... had she?

Was it possible that he had just overlooked the obvious?

"Master?" Ahsoka was looking at him with an embarrassed expression again, obviously mistaking his stricken expression for annoyance. "I'm sorry for... you know... it wasn't very Jedi-like of me. I should have been able to control my emotions better."

Anakin wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "You need to stop apologizing, Ahsoka. It happens to the best of us. I'm just sorry that I never noticed anything was wrong."

"I'm not a Youngling, Master." Ahsoka looked away.

"No," Anakin agreed. "But I would have been surprised if the war hadn't gotten to you in some way."

_Even Ahsoka is too young to be fighting on the front lines, _he thought. _I'll speak to the Council about a training mission to Ragoon 6. It'll do her some good to be away from the fighting for a while._

Anakin glanced at his chrono. It was late, and they had another briefing early the next day. Before he left, he had one more thing to say.

"You know now that you can tell me anything, right?" he asked. "You won't hide things like this from me anymore?"

Ahsoka was silent for a minute. Anakin knew he was asking a lot, but he wouldn't let her turn out like him- keeping everything from everyone, afraid to trust.

_I'm not going to fail her too. _

"No, Master," she said finally. "I won't keep stuff like this from you." She looked up. "You have your own secrets," she stated.

Anakin slowly nodded. "I do. But believe me when I tell you that I only keep things from you if I have a very good reason for it."

Ahsoka studied him for a minute. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. "Alright. I guess I can understand that."

Anakin was thanking the Force that he had a Padawan with a sense of tact when she offhandedly added, "although, I do sometimes wonder if Senator Amidala knows you like her."

Oh _Force. _

Anakin snapped his head up. He stared at Ahsoka's innocent looking face and eyes that sparkled with laughter and resisted the urge to slam his head against the wall.

"I think I'm going to pretend you never said that," Anakin groaned, running his hand through his hair. He got up, aware that his face was flaming. "Goodnight, Padawan."

Ahsoka grinned. "Don't worry, you're secret's safe with me. 'Night, Master."

Her tone was light and playful, but as Anakin shut the door, he faintly heard her murmur, "Thank you."

He smiled to himself as he walked down the corridor. _Anytime, Ahsoka._

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><p><strong>I really hope they seemed in character... I worked really hard to make sure that they were. No, Ahsoka hasn't cried in the series (Deception doesn't count, she wasn't really crying), but it's unrealistic to think that she could go through the war unfazed. Even though she's a Jedi, she does have feelings. <strong>

**I love reviews, by the way... *hint***


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